Funeral Arraignments/Don't You Know

I didn't say how much I've missed you

It went dark, my day wasn't blissful 

I didn't write for several weeks then 

But I've never felt more alone in my life

Do you know?

It was near Christmas, rainbow lights 

My tears on top of the tree was in perfect sight 

I wanted to celebrate that your new engagement 

But I was planning my funeral arraignments

Don't you know?

I didn't say I trust you more then anyone,you know?

Even if you're childish and free of fucks to give

I didn't write for years about you, now in these night hours 

I want to be there to catch the wedding flowers

And read my poem at the ceremony 

I've lived my worst day counting to end

While you flourish and bloomed like a love bird 

I didn't have the heart to press the send

It wasn't my attention to cloud your joy with my hurt

So turned my back and saved as draft 

It was a cold december and half of January 

And in small texts i've tried to keep my grief hidden

Then you walked into the forever, I know, scary 

If I say honestly sorry, will I still be forgiven,

For my selfishness?

I didn't say how your laughter makes my day

Seemingly holds me together and sane

When I lived in pain, you showed me other side 

From highschool until now I'll always need you around 

Don't you know?

It's only a decade and a half since we've met

I should've been a better friend, a better person 

I'm sorry my heart was trembling and you were thinking about your engagement 

While I was crying my eyes out, planning funeral arraignments.

You should know 

Who says only silence scream so loud?

Cause I support you always even from a far in the crowd 

When the world is gray your laughter is a sunny day

And you should know, infinitive and more

You have a friend in my hand to hold